Mind Games

Over time, all of us will find that life is full of mind games in a variety of different areas. For me, most of it had to do with life as a firefighter.

From a very young age, ten to be exact, the thought of becoming a firefighter was one that was constantly on my mind. I was way too young to do anything about it at that time, but what weighed on my mind almost constantly was the excitement of fulfilling my dream of becoming a firefighter.

Once I was able to start the testing process, the long road ahead and thinking about the thousands of other people competing for the job was a big mind game, one of excitement and also one of worry. Would I be able to complete and win a coveted position in the Columbus Fire Academy with so many others trying to do the same thing? Yes, it was a constant mind game.

Once I finally got through the whole process and it looked like I was going to be hired, another mind game was the waiting game. It was very similar to the military….hurry up and wait. The city is a government agency, and we all know that government agencies move very slowly. I constantly worried about if and when I was going to get hired, yet no matter how much I worried and checked on the process, the city did not seem to move any faster.

Once hired and in the academy, the mind game was learning all there was to learn and wondering if I could handle it and then if I could get assigned to the area I was hoping for. I quickly learned that the several months in the academy prepared me to actually start learning the job, because the best way to fully learn is by doing. We had the basics, but once out on company, the real learning began, and again the mind game of can I do this.

Once I actually starting working the job, it was a constant mind game trying to think about all the possibilities that runs could bring, only to find when I thought I had most of them figured out and thought I was prepared, something unusual happened. Again, this is the learning process. Each new opportunity brought about more learning and more things to keep in your mind for next time.

As a medic, I was constantly battling the thought that other people’s lives were in my hands. There was so much to learn and ongoing continuing education. I knew how important it was to stay alert and up-to-date by training on the basics and learning new procedures. It did not take long to realize there was another mind game at play, the one of knowing that people really do depend on you and that they look to you as the expert with all the answers…..if they only knew.

Now that my life dream has been fulfilled and my career has come to an end, the mind games of who am I now, what do I do now constantly come into play. It is strange that even in retirement, there are times when some of the runs, some of the situations and some of the people pop into my mind like it had just happened. Some of them good, some of them funny, some of them sad, but they are all there just the same, playing those mind games of how enjoyable my career was, but also questioning if I did the right thing in each situation for the good of others.

I also find it hard to deal with some of the mind games of retirement and being a citizen again. I am no longer the knight in shining armor coming to the rescue of the public who looked to me in time of need. Yet, I can relax with the thought that I got to live my dream job and I did my best to do a good job and take care of those who needed me. I can also rest assured that others have now taken my place to fulfill their dreams of doing the same great job of helping others when the need arises.

So, the mind games continue and they probably always will. This is really not a bad thing and I am thankful I have a good, functioning mind filled with many good memories. But it is also something that needs to be kept in check and dealt with now and then. So, never be afraid to ask for help if you need it. That is one thing for sure with the fire department, your brothers and sisters are always there to take care of you if the mind games get to be too much.

By the way, if you are on Facebook, a favorite site of mine to follow in regard to the fire department is Rescuing Providence by a retired firefighter friend Michael Morse. You can find him at: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100046989822396